I wrote this poem on 21.10.02. Those days I always wrote the date whenever I wrote poems. I don’t have to do that anymore because now I am posting my new poems in Facebook and WordPress which already show the dates posted. Anyway, this was written 18 years before (and when I was about 18 years old) and I thought I had really lost it. I was looking for it, even though I wasn’t focusing much on that. One reason why I thought I had lost the poem is because I posted it online on a content writing website and they closed the site six years before.
Anyway, today I was simply going to my own old notebooks, to see which one would get my attention first; and the poem that I thought I had lost, was the first thing that I noticed among several hundred pieces of papers. It made me smile, because for me it was a miracle.
(Even though the topic of the poem seems to be romantic love, it is really an unconscious longing for maternal love).
A dark rainy blanket has wrapped the earth;
A gloomy round, the day has given birth;
I am here, thinking calmly about my love,
Starring without a blink, the long rainbow.
The season has scattered dark black patches;
People, for heat, are searching for matches;
In their small, simple homes of road corner;
They are like goats; those are missed by their owner.
Like they, myself too, do not know my way;
Her hot thoughts burn me like the days of May;
All green trees and grasses murmur her name;
And each drop of beauty describes her fame;
A year has passed since I met her in road;
When her lips were off in the ‘patience’ mode;
She was standing still without a response;
Which hurts my heart now, like a twig of thorns.
She made some frequent visits in my dreams;
And showed her mystic face of golden beams;
I thought it was true and opened my eyes;
I cursed my dreams; they told a lakh of lies.
Each minute seems to be a grave for joy;
In the hands of love, I am a playtime toy;
Each of my verse tries to make her figure;
They fail, tasting like milk without sugar.
When I was twelve, I met her in my school;
And wondered to see the sun which was cool;
For the first time, I lost myself in the air.
And thought, “She will be the best one to care”;
Is it possible for a rose to speak?
Have you seen singing snow on any peak?
Do you think a moon can walk with a wave?
She spoke, sang, walked and also dug my grave.
She was a good friend for the first three years;
Like all others who shared my smiles and tears;
The fourth year awaited me with a curse;
To cure the wound it gave me, she should nurse.
It was when she sat near me in the bench;
With each of her looks carrying a pinch;
My childish wish searched love in all her signs;
And tried to follow her face-printed lines.
She read my verses, laughed and chatted with me!
And made me like a honey-sucking bee;
That chants and begs before a new blossom;
And soon my hidden love fought for freedom;
My tender love troubled me when I slept;
For endless heights, my passion was a lift;
My hasty lips hurried to propose her;
My legs pulled me to wander here and there.
Like a dove that has just cheated the cage;
My thoughts flew and filled a short poetic page;
Which I gave her, after checking the time.
My fear flashed in my face like a milky lime.
Her answer peeped out as a fruity smile;
Seeing that, my heart stood still for a while;
But I could notice the bond getting loose;
My feeling broke, throwing away the screws.
Each ‘today’ was worse than yesterday;
My path became a thorny jungle way;
Yes! She denied me and left me in hell;
A cruel beauty has marked me as ‘null’.
My heart carried the load of love with pain;
My thousands of verses gave me no gain;
I believed that she will change her dry mind;
That belief took the next four years to grind.
The stars began to laugh at me during nights;
The sun teased me with hot fingery lights;
I blamed myself for being such a slave;
Who is arrested in a dirty cave.
All those recollections have crowded in;
Each of those thoughts are carrying a pin.
To pierce my heart and taste it’s beating flesh.
In this dark time, they are making a crush.