The Journey Of A Lover – Chapter 1

 “The most extraordinary people in the world do not have careers. What they have is a calling” 

– From the book ‘The Code of the Extraordinary Mind

I haven’t had a fixed job or a healthy career in life for a long time. But I do have a calling that is much more powerful than a job that helps to pay bills or a career which has a clean ladder of professional growth. A calling can go beyond many rules that are determined by the culture or the society; In fact, the sole purpose of a calling may involve questioning some of these rules. 

Mahatma Gandhi’s experiments with truth and the quest for Indian liberation was born out of a calling. The same is true for thousands of scientists who contributed to the scientific world. Many people today live with such a calling and often they have conflicts between what is socially demanded from them and what they actually want to do. They may find it very hard to fit in the society until they find a suitable supportive environment to go on with their mission or the inner calling. 

Ever since I was young, I have been passionate about a few things; those few subjects are very much related to my inner calling. I have felt that I am born to make a difference in these areas:

  1. Poetry, Music and other forms of art.

I grew up reading the poetry of Mahakavi Bharathiyar who has been my main inspiration. I was interested in exploring various meters in Tamil prosody like Venba, Agaval, Virutham etc and I wanted to write poetry in these classical meters. This interest was mainly inspired by Bharathiyar’s poems. I succeeded in using meters for poetry and I developed my poetic skills overtime. 

For some people, (Like Sooryagayathri, my most favorite carnatic singer) M.S. Subbulakshmi is an inspiration for music. Interestingly, M.S. Subbulakshmi and Bharathiyar have something in common. Bharathiyar was born on December 11 and M.S.Subbulakshmi died on December 11.

These coincidences have always caught my attention. I think coincidences are like some kind of synchronization as Carl Jung has observed. They come with messages or signs.

“Jung developed the theory of synchronicity as a hypothetical noncausal principle serving as the intersubjective or philosophically objective connection between these seemingly meaningful coincidences” –  Kerr, Laura K. (2013). “Synchronicity”. In Teo, T. (ed.). Encyclopedia of Critical Psychology. Berlin, Heidelberg: Springer-Verlag.

 I have written more about such coincidences here: https://shanmugamp.org/2019/09/27/some-amazing-coincidences-regarding-religious-tolerance/ (By the way, Osho, my spiritual inspiration was also born on December 11th. Most importantly, my son from my divorced wife was also born on December 11th. It doesn’t end here. My ex wife remarried on December 11th). 

I feel sad to see that poetry as an art is dying today. In ancient times, poetry preserved all the accumulated knowledge. People preferred metrical verses to record knowledge as they are easy to memorize and serve as great mnemonic devices. After all,most of our famous Vedic verses are in the form of poetry. But its importance and utility is not known to people these days. It is especially true with metrical verses, since free verse is getting more popular these days. I wanted to serve  the society by raising awareness about poetry and even teaching the nuances of it, if possible. 

  1. Religion

Religion has always fascinated me. I got a chance to explore various religions as I studied in the schools run by three major religions in India: A Christian School run by a church in my first grade, a Muslim school run by a mosque in 2nd grade, and a Hindu school which is named after one of the Shankaracharyas of Kanchi Kamakoti mutt in my 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th grade. It looks like a design. I feel like I am destined to study in these schools to see how various religions operate.

My main inspiration for religion in early childhood was Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. It was through him I understood that atmajnana/ brahmajnana and moksha are the most important goals of every religion. I also learned that all major religions are different paths to the same destination and all names of God point to the only one truth. The Rig Vedic verse ‘Ekam Sat Viprah Bahuta Vadanti’ became my favorite Vedic verse later in my life. It means ‘ The Truth is one; but it is called by various names by scholars and wise ones’.

I was disappointed by the conflicts and wars that exist between religions. My second book ‘Discovering God: Bridging Christianity, Hinduism and Islam’ was written to address this.

I have been very devotional since my early childhood. Many of my early poems were devotional poems. Later, I went through many spiritual experiences that changed my life; I will tell you more about them later in this article.

3) Science

Science has fascinated me as much as religion did. I have developed strong skeptical and critical thinking due to my exposure to science. In 9th grade, I was a main participant among a four membered team in science quizzes conducted by science center, Tirunelveli. I have been an atheist during my late teens for sometime as I lost the trust that religion is useful in any way in the modern world. My favorite scientist is Albert Einstein. He was my main inspiration.

The conflicts between science and religion were very obvious to me. Due to my earnest desire in finding out the truth, I wanted to resolve this issue by bridging science and spirituality. One of my ambitions or interests those days was to become a scientist.

Even though I forgot most of the science that I learned in high school, I know how science and scientific method works. One of my main concerns in recent years was about the fact that pseudoscience is very dominant and how it is very easy to fool people with fancy scientific terms. I am both open minded and skeptical at the same time. I wanted to see what we have in common among the findings of scientists and the enlightened sages of our ancient world. This motivated me to write my first book ‘The Truth about Spiritual Enlightenment: Bridging Science, Buddhism and Advaita Vedanta’ which is still selling and earning me royalties.

4) Society

I am going to talk about something that is least addressed in today’s world but which is also most important to understand if you really want to live a life that you have been created for. The issue that I saw in society made me angry. If this issue is recognized and addressed, most of the problems in the society can be addressed.

Do you remember one of the questions that you have been asked when you were a child? This is especially true if you are born in a country like India in the 1980’s and 1990’s. Teachers and parents often ask you, ‘When you grow up, do you want to become a doctor or an engineer?’

Why didn’t they give me all the available options? What if I want to become a poet or a singer? Obviously, those people wanted us to get the most respected and high paying jobs in the society. We were rarely encouraged to find our own passions.

I realized that I was much different than other people. I was always jumping from one interest to the other and I was more interested in exploring everything that the world has to offer. So obviously I was a very active child. My attention was switching often as I know that the world is so big and I can’t choose something right away just because the society dictated us to do so.

Did you notice that I mentioned the words ‘attention’ and ‘activity’ in the previous paragraph? Those words are important. There are many children in today’s world who show hyperactivity and also find it difficult to pay attention because of the overwhelming amount of attention grabbing stuff in the modern world. It is actually a healthy trait. But if you take such a child to a psychiatrist, a lot of them will diagnose them as the children having ADHD or ‘Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder’. That is a tragedy!

Recently, scientists are talking about how ADHD is not really a problem but actually a personality trait. There is a great amount of diversity among how the nervous systems of people function. It is also found that people who are diagnosed as ADHD patients simply have a different kind of nervous system which makes them motivated by interest rather than importance. Dr. Hallowell and Dr. Ratey coined a new name for ADHD and called it as VAST, which stands for Variable Attention Stimulus Trait.

Modern society has been created by having most of the neurotypical people in mind. But for people who are neurodiverse, this society is a problem; they have difficulty to fit in and perform according to the social demands. But it is not their fault. They are simply born for something different. In today’s society, such people are forced to follow the formula that everyone is following : 

Study and get good grades, get a good degree that has a lot of scope for a high paying job, get a high paying job, earn a lot of money, give birth to children, and die!

Do you see the problem? 

Here, I want to say more about the concept called svadharma mentioned in Bhagavad Gita. It is one of the most misunderstood concepts in religion. Since, Svadharma and Varna are discussed together, people think that Svadharma depends on the Varna one is born in. But in reality, a person’s Svadharma is nothing but the uniqueness, personality and interests which are determined by nature or genetics and by the nurture or one’s personal  experiences in life. 

Let us look at the 35th verse of the 3rd chapter in Gita (Transalation taken from https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/chapter/3/verse/35) :

श्रेयान्स्वधर्मो विगुण: परधर्मात्स्वनुष्ठितात् |

 स्वधर्मे निधनं श्रेय: परधर्मो भयावह: || 35||

śhreyān—better; swa-dharmaḥ—personal duty; viguṇaḥ—tinged with faults; para-dharmāt—than another’s prescribed duties; su-anuṣhṭhitāt—perfectly done; swa-dharme—in one’s personal duties; nidhanam—death; śhreyaḥ—better; para-dharmaḥ—duties prescribed for others; bhaya-āvahaḥ—fraught with fear

Meaning: It is far better to perform one’s natural prescribed duty, though tinged with faults, than to perform another’s prescribed duty, though perfectly. In fact, it is preferable to die in the discharge of one’s duty, than to follow the path of another, which is fraught with danger.

………..

The word duty here means the type of life that nature assigns to you. By doing introspection and discovering your true passion, strengths, weaknesses etc, you can see what kind of life or career is ideal for you.

This is one of the important messages of Gita. When people choose a career which suits their passion and interest, we will have qualified people everywhere to do their jobs. We need to see a world without class differences in order to accomplish this. A person who is picking up garbage in streets deserves to be paid as much as a doctor who cleans a person’s stomach gets paid. Both are cleaning something and bringing a cure to the society anyway. 

When that becomes a reality, the world will become a better place. Since all jobs are equally valued and since each one find s a job according to their own svadharma, everyone will naturally do their job well. That will be a kingdom of heaven on earth!

I want to end this chapter by quoting a poem by Robert Frost. It is one of my favorite poems:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

  • To be continued….
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Emotions, Pain and Suffering After Spiritual Enlightenment

I am writing this post since I am seeing a great deal of misunderstanding among some of my readers who are misled by the modern new age spirituality and the so called teachers who show a clean and calm professional image to the public.

I am coming from the land of avadhutas. They were fully awakened people who roamed in the streets with torn and dirty clothes, drank liquor, threw stones at people, cursed them and showed an image of a lunatic. And they were fully awakened. Their existence served a purpose. It was their prarabhdha karma to live their life this way and they still helped people in ways which were uncommon and controversial.

Trust me, spiritual path is a long journey full of adventure, unexpected turns and falls, and converts your whole life as a suspense thriller. The joy of living your life without knowing what happens next is something no Hollywood movie can give you.

So I want to give you a new perspective of this unending adventure. Many people stop somewhere in the path and make it their home; they find a secure spot, settle there and start teaching people. Soon, they fall for the fame they get and their further progress in the spirituality is completely stopped.

In the last four years, I have been very honest in documenting what has happened to me in the spiritual journey. If there is one thing that my beloved readers like about me, then it is nothing but honesty. I am not interested in making claims and attach a specific word to what happened to me. I have made that clear in my first book The Truth About Spiritual Enlightenment: Bridging Science, Buddhism and Advaita Vedanta, which is now with 62 ratings and an average rating of 4.5 out of 5. But many people do not know that your reading is not complete until you read my second book Discovering God: Bridging Christianity, Hinduism and Islam. Because I have said so much about spiritual awakening which I have not covered in my first book.

The quotes about Ramakrishna Paramahamsa in my second book on those vasanas that remain after enlightenment and my clarification on bandha vasanas and bhoga vasanas will clarify a lot of misunderstandings. Because, people think that a person is completely out of all desires after enlightenment, which is not true. Some desires and some small amount of raga and dvesha should exist to keep an awakened person in the survival mode. Otherwise, life will not last in his body after 21 days. This is coming from ancient wisdom and it makes sense to me with my current way of experiencing life.

My post titled ‘My Life after Spiritual Enlightenment – The Untold side of Self-Realization‘ will further explain the untold side which has never been covered by any spiritual teacher. The reason is obvious. They didn’t get to face the society as a common man just like I did. I am not a spiritual teacher, which I have told you people several times. I am a common man who is living an awakened life while stepping on the thorns and stones of a raw simple social life. And that life is different. It is this life which you all will get to live after a complete spiritual awakening.

Before I talk about the subject matter you see in the title of the post, let me remind you of something that I have been telling you often. There is something called spiritual rebirth. You have to completely destroy yourself and reconstruct yourself. And this reconstructing yourself involves doing things which are totally opposite of what you did in the destructive phase.

Sadly, many people do not even get to this complete destruction because it is very scary. It is losing yourself completely. You have to go beyond pride and shame. This means, you dont even care to show the lunatic side of yourself. You can appear unenlightened to the majority and you still dont care. Santatagamana’s book on Turiya talks about this. To go through this Turiya, you have to stop teaching. Teachers can’t reach it.. Period. And I am not a teacher.

Once you are completely reborn, you have to reconstruct yourself by building intentions, a new self image, vasanas etc. Because, your spouse can’t tolerate someone who is devoid of emotions and desires. You would be too enlightened to be in a relationship. I have been through this and it is my personal experience. If you are too enlightened to live a social life, you are good for nothing except teaching spirituality. You might have millions of followers but no one would want to marry you. Without marriage and having children, you dont get to pass your genes to the next generation. And your enlightened genetics goes as a waste without giving it a chance to produce an offspring who will inherit some of those qualities. Only a few people know this secret.

Many people are familiar with the quote “die before you die”… Yes, you have to, if you want to progress on the spiritual path. But you can become a deva (twice born) or avatar if you know how to be reborn after you die before you die. No book can teach you that. Just facing the society by living as a common man will push you back into survival mode. You will retain the fulfillment of enlightenment while fully engaging with the world and the society by expressing all kinds of emotions including anger, tears etc. Emotions and pain can exist without suffering.

Suffering is personal. Buddha said, ‘There are two kinds of pain. The wise person stops with the first one’. That is what I am talking about. Some people might have gone beyond pain. But it is dangerous for the survival of the body.

Because each pain gives a message. Pain helps you to take care of the body. Pain tells you that something is wrong and you have to act. You may ask, ‘who cares.. After all I am not the body’. But why should you miss this potential and leave this area unexplored? Body will disappear one day anyway. Why shouldn’t you take care of the body and let it run as long as it can? It will allow you to fully swim through everything that this life has to offer.

The bottom line is this. Emotions, pain and vasanas can exist even after enlightenment. But the suffering is gone. Suffering is completely optional. You dont have to suffer; and you wont once you know how to go beyond it.

I feel that there is too much of a gap between the west and the east. The spiritual literature in the east is so vast and each book addresses different periods of a seeker’s journey. You will find huge differences between Bhagavad Gita, Ashtavakra Gita and Yoga Vasistha for example, and each book addresses the things that other books have missed out. A seeker’s journey is so long and has lots of ups and downs, surprises etc. Above all, books can only teach a little bit and it is the duty of the seeker to discover those things which are not addressed just using words. Also, having basic knowledge in Sanskrit helps to understand the true meaning of these texts, which I do. A lot of clarity is lost in translations.

Ramana himself kept reading spiritual literature for his entire life in order to assist seekers in a better way. 

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Right now I am struggling financially and my wordpress subscription is ending this month. In order to keep my domain name and hosting, I need to pay them immediately. I would at least need about $150 USD to keep what I have and manage other expenses. I do have a donate option in my blog: https://shanmugamp.org/donate/ . If you can contribute it will be great. I live my life as a common man and I dont even have a job. Any help you can do will help me to continue assisting seekers.

Spiritual Awakening – A Losing Game

We are conditioned to accumulate stuff. We accumulate both abstract and concrete things – objects, wealth, acquaintances, information, ideas, concepts etc. We associate everything that we accumulate with an idea of a ‘self’.

When people are in the process of getting the next thing listed in their to do list, some of them suddenly come across the concept of spiritual enlightenment or a complete spiritual awakening. It is advertised as the best thing that can happen to a human being and sounds incredibly cool. They just grab this idea and add it in their shopping list.

Spiritual Awakening - A Losing Game

Spirituality is a business today. So before one gets the true spiritual thirst as the result of an inner calling, spirituality is advertised at their door step with exciting offers and discounts. A lot of these deals are full of bullshit sandwiched with statements of some mind-blowing truths picked up from the literature of some of the most popular gurus of the last century.

Some of them are from people who have been having short or long glimpses of non-duality in their daily life, but are convinced that this is what spiritual enlightenment is all about and this is how the rest of their lives are going to be. They usually give up and come to premature conclusions.

I have addressed the above points many times in my recent Youtube videos. But in this blog post I want to explain why spiritual enlightenment is all about losing and what exactly you lose.

Spiritual enlightenment has various definitions in general. There are people who say that spiritual enlightenment is about being omnipotent and omniscient. But when I talk about spiritual enlightenment, I am talking about what is practically possible to anyone who is truly seeking it; it is something that has happened to millions of people before and something that is happening in more numbers in today’s world.

It is not about achieving or accumulating anything; it is about returning to the source; it is about going back to your natural state; it is about untying the knots or undoing all the complications that your mind has created while growing up; it is about going home. So it is all about losing.

You lose many things. You lose all the reifications. You lose your false ideas, beliefs and illusions. You lose the cravings to do many things you had been doing before. You lose 98% of your mental chatter and lose all self-referential thoughts. You lose your conflicts and your mind loses a lot of its weight.

But I can list three primary things which you lose, which is usually regarded as the symptoms of atma jnana or self-realization. It is only after self-realization and abiding permanently in non-duality, your awakening is complete.

Here are these three things:

Sense of a separate self – At self-realization, you permanently lose the sense that you are an entity separate from the existence. Your experience of life changes completely. You no longer feel like you are trapped in a body and limited. There is no difference between you, the blue sky, the blowing wind and the rest of the nature. It is like a wave realizing that it doesn’t have a separate existence but it is the ocean itself. It is not intellectual understanding or understanding gained by temporary glimpses; it is dying completely before you physically die.

Sense of agency – You no longer feel you are doing your actions; actions simply arise from the inner stillness without any sense of agency. You see life as if everything is unfolding all by itself. Ahankara or the sense of agency is lost.

Psychological time – Everyone has a to-do list or agenda. Everyone is looking forward to future to get a sense of completion. Everyone feels like something that is in the future is waiting to complete them. A religious person hopes that he will reach heaven in the future and a spiritual person thinks that he will reach spiritual enlightenment in the future. This craving and seeking, whether it is for a material goal or a spiritual state is completely absent after self-realization. You will feel full and complete already and you are not looking forward to future to get something that will give you a sense of completion which is missing now.

Spiritual enlightenment is the end of duality and the life that is confined to the rat race of humanity. But it is not the end of everything. It is a new beginning.

In the following video, I have made some important clarifications:

Why Eckhart Tolle Was Wrong About ‘I Think, Therefore I am’ ( A Quote By Rene Descartes)

Rene Descartes was a French mathematician and philosopher who is considered as one of the founding fathers of modern philosophy. His quote ‘I think, therefore I am” (‘cogito ergo sum’ in Latin) is misunderstood and misinterpreted widely. Initially, this quote was written in French (Je pense, donc je suis); it is found in Discourse on the Method (1637). Then it appeared in Latin in his book ‘Principles of Philosophy’ (1644).

Even Eckhart Tolle seems to have misunderstood the true meaning of the quote. In ‘The Power of Now’, he wrote “The philosopher Descartes believed he had found the most fundamental truth when he made his famous statement: “I think, therefore I am.” He had, in fact, given expression to the most basic error: to equate thinking with Being and identity with thinking. The compulsive thinker, which means almost everyone, lives in a state of apparent separateness, in an insanely complex world of continuous problems and conflict, a world that reflects the ever-increasing fragmentation of the mind.”

Rene Descartes was not spiritually awake, as the word ‘awakening’ is used by Tolle and modern spiritual community. But certainly Descartes did not equate the thinking self with being as it has been claimed. His logic is more deeper and closer to the theme of Eckhart Tolle’s own book; it is the same logic that Advaita Vedanta uses to question the reliability of senses and the existence of external reality. I have given more details in this video.

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