Date: Jan 1, 2o21
1) I have little dark brown skin tone and everyone in my friends and family has yellow to white skin tone and occasionally they tease me but not with any purpose. So this was never big problem until I started witnessing meditation. But since I started witnessing thought, my mind started tricking .As if it takes control of my watchfulness and criticize me for being ugly to another extreme and make me feel that I am the ugliest person in the world. Every person I see, I start comparing my skin tone with them, be it guy or girl , manager or watchman. As if world reduces into skin color to me. Many time I feel very depressed and it ruins my whole day. I tried accepting fact or using logics to explain the stuff to my brain but till now its useless. I stopped witnessing thought and started witnessing body movement thinking that it will improve my watchfulness. Maybe I am doing all wrong. Is there any way out of this joke of my mind?
2) I tried multiple meditation techniques but my watchfulness becomes dull or serious unless I am doing watchfulness while laughing or dancing . What should I do ? Obviously I cannot laugh whole day even though I enjoy laughing without any reason.
Reply (Jan 2, 2021)
Witnessing or mindfulness meditation doesn’t increase any negative thoughts that you have; it only brings more awareness. So it is possible that you didn’t pay attention to those thoughts as much as you did before.
The solution to this issue is witnessing meditation itself. Progress needs time. As long as you bring your attention to your unconscious processes as often as you can, you will be progressing in some way even though it is not immediately obvious.
Watch my Youtube videos on witnessing; in order to do witnessing meditation in a better way you also need to read about or listen about it often; because such exposure to any content that describes witnessing meditation itself can bring more clarity.
Also, do not worry about making progress too quickly. Just do things that you enjoy doing and don’t force yourself too much, even if it is doing witnessing meditation itself.