Date: Jan 7, 2021
I’ve had some changes in perspective. That’s the best I can do to convey it. I’ve become to live from the I less I state. Not fully but I feel that awareness has become me, atleast a little bit. The thing is that, my life has become effortlessly simple. But the thing is that people around me are reporting to me that they find me a bit difficult to be with, but I guess they still want me around. This is now kind of freaking me out. I can’t seem to be with people. I don’t hate people but I kind of become distracted around people and I don’t seem to enjoy being distracted from that awareness. I don’t hate anyone, infact I now enjoy the differences in people and I sometimes become ecstatic about it. Another aspect of this that makes me freak out more is that earlier people used to tell me that I’m very sweet and easy to be with. I don’t know why this is freaking me out. Should I try to fit in? I don’t know even if you say so I’ll be able to. I just wanna be more with that state.
My Reply dated Jan 7, 2021
It is very interesting to hear your experience. I need more details about your story so that I can understand the situation better and offer you the right advice.
I can relate to what you are saying though; your behaviors might have changed which might be the direct consequence of changes that have happened within you. It will take time for both you and people around you to adapt to this new ‘you’. In the meantime, all kinds of interpretations about the change in you can occur in your mind and their minds. Just take things easy and don’t force yourself too much in trying to fit in.
Tell me more about your life. How did you get introduced to spiritual path, what tradition you followed and what practices you did, how did it all go all these years etc. That way, I may be able to help you more.
Finally, I depend on book royalties and donations to survive while I help seekers full time via my content. So if you can contribute anything as a donation, you are welcome. You can find the options here: https://nellaishanmugam.wordpress.com/donate/
Date: Jan 8, 2021
So, here’s my attempt to tell my story. If you find it difficult to understand any part of it, let’s try something else. So here goes it.
I was a very religious kid. I spent my whole childhood praying. I was also very sexually active. I had sexual behavior even as a kid. Then, I gradually transformed as a rationalist. This was gradual and radical. Finally logic became my tool to understand everything. I then was introduced to Isha and IE programme. I felt something with it but it didn’t come across as very logical. Also I didn’t have any motivation to carry on with the practice.
Then, I came across you and got to know about Santatagamana from you. I read all of his books and somewhere connected with it. I tried some of the practices and still couldn’t really go on with te practice. From Santatagamana I came to know about Avahtara. Meanwhile I started having glimpses of the self and it kept on growing.
Recently, I abided in the self for sometime and started connecting with teachings of Ramana, Nisargadatta and Eckhart. I haven’t read any of them, the only thing I connect with is their idea of this self and that only. That’s my story. Please feel to ask me anything.
Thanks a lot for reading.
Date Jan 8, 2021
Thanks for the details. May I know how old you are?
I hope you have noted down my suggestions in my previous reply. You have come to a turning point and it takes a while to adapt. Various people may interpret your change in various ways but don’t let that confuse or worry you.
I recommend you go through all the videos in this playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAo1YHIhpJs&list=PLyvcEPSjKqOl1danh9xVK0hwqiDJrIYov when you are free.
If you have any other questions, let me know.
Date: Jan 8, 2021
I am male, 24 and single. Yes, I’ve noted the points you mentioned. I’ll check the videos. Thanks a lot for taking the time to reply.